A tiszteletről és alázatról | Despre respect și umilință | About respect and humbleness

Compagnia Pippo Delbono

ⒸBiró István

HU__________________________________________________________________
Elkezdődött a koncert. Egy Kiss Erzsi Zene. Jól esik. Jól esik azt érezni, hogy nem vagyok teljesen elutasító. Hogy van, ami tetszik és amiben én is örömömet lelem. Ma először. (…)

Meglátom az ajtóban Pippo Delbonót. Dühös leszek. Már a zenét sem hallom, szemem sarkából őt figyelem. Ahogy csendben véleményezi a koncertet. Egyre dühösebb vagyok. Bemegy a belső terembe. Kijön. Nem találja a helyét. Megáll. Mellettem. Na, most vagyok igazán dühös. Hosszasan vívódom, hogy megszólítsam. A bátorság (vagy vakmerőség?) megvan, csak nem tudom, mit is mondhatnék. Az egyedüli dolog, ami eszembe jut: congratulations on making the worst performance I’ve ever seen. Ezt mégsem mondhatom. Tiszteletlen lenne. Kérdezhetnék valamit. De igazából nem érdekel a válasza.

Látszik, hogy nem tetszik neki a koncert. Pedig mennyivel több van benne, mint...! Elindul kifele. Nincs már sok időm. Most kell megszólítani, vagy tenni valamit, ha tényleg akarok. Most van a pillanat!

„Tisztelt Uram. Hadd mondjam el, hogy mennyire csalódott vagyok. Nem tudom, látta-e a mexikóiak előadását. Nekem nem tetszett. De tiszteltem benne a munkát, a profizmust, azt a mély és szerteágazó jelentésréteget, amelyet végigvittek az előadáson. Alázattal, meggyőződéssel. Ez mindenképp tiszteletre méltó. Még ha nem is értek egyet a formával, az eszközökkel, még ha nem is tudtam (vagy akartam) velük menni. Látszik mögötte a rengeteg munka. A gondolat. És a tapsrend alatt az a kíváncsiság, amellyel a nézők fele fordultak. Megható volt. De erre csupán akkor jöttem rá, mikor megnéztem az önök előadását. (…)
Mindig tapsolni szoktam az előadások végén, még ha nem is tetszik. Tiszteletből. Most nem tapsoltam. (…) Mert a színpadon nem láttam morzsányit sem mindabból, amit például a mexikói társulat előadásában felfedeztem. (…) Mélyek a szövegek, amiket használ előadásában. Rimbaud, Artaud, Whitman… Önmagukban gyönyörűek, de elvesztek. Ki vannak sajátítva. Össze vannak piszkolva. Alexander Bălănescu pedig gyönyörűen hegedül. Láthattuk már a fesztivál alatt egy másik előadásban is. Ma ugyanolyan gyönyörűen játszott, azonban csupán asszisztálnia kellett valamihez. Valamihez, amit semmihez nem tudok hasonlítani. Jobban mondva tudnék, de inkább nem teszem. (…)”

Talán valami hasonlót mondtam. Volna. De nem szólaltam meg. Bokán rúgtam. Nagy volt a tömeg. Nem esküszöm meg, hogy véletlen volt. Hátranéz. Sorry – mondom rezzenéstelen arccal, meggyőződés nélkül. No problem – válaszolja vigyorogva és kimegy.

Megint nincs igaza.
There is a problem.
In fact a very big one.

RO__________________________________________________________________
A început concertul. Egy Kiss Erzsi Zene. Îmi pică bine. Îmi pică bine că nu sunt complet negativă. Că este ceva de care mă pot bucura. Azi pentru prima oară. (...)

Îl zăresc în ușă pe Pippo Delbono. Devin furioasă. Deja nu aud nici muzica, îl privesc cu coada ochiului. Cum își spune silențios părerea despre concert. Sunt tot mai furioasă. Intră în sala interioară. Iasă. Nu-și găsește locul. Se oprește. Lângă mine. No, acum sunt cu adevărat furioasă. Stau mult contemplând să intru în vorbă cu el sau nu. Am curaj (sau îndrăzneală?), dar încă nu știu ce i-aș putea spune. Singurul lucru care îmi vine în minte este:  congratulations on making the worst performance I’ve ever seen. Totuși, nu pot spune asta. Ar fi nerespectuos. Aș putea să-l întreb ceva. Dar sincer, nu mă interesează răspunsul lui.

Se vede, nu-i place concertul. Cu toate că este mult mai…, decât… !
Pornește spre ieșire. Nu prea mai am timp. Acum este momentul să-i zic ceva, sau să fac ceva. Acum ori niciodată!

“Stimate Domn. Permiteți-mi să vă spun cât sunt de dezamăgită. Nu știu, dacă ați văzut spectacolul mexicanilor, mie nu mi-a plăcut. Dar am respectat munca, profesionalitatea, straturile semantice profunde și ramificate prezente pe parcursul spectacolului. Umil și cu convingere. În orice caz, acest fapt merită respectul. Chiar dacă nu sunt de acord cu forma, cu instrumentele, chiar dacă nici nu am putut (sau nu am vrut) avansa împreună cu ei. Se poate observa efortul imens din spatele spectacolului. Și ideea. Și curiozitatea în timpul aplauzelor cu care priveau spre spectatori. A fost emoționant. Dar nu mi-am dat seama de asta, doar când am privit spectacolul Dumneavoastră. (...)
Mereu aplaud la sfârșitul spectacolului, chiar dacă nu îmi place. Din respect. Acum nu am aplaudat. (...) Pentru că pe scenă nu am văzut niciun bob din ceea ce am văzut în spectacolul trupei de teatru din Mexic. (...) Sunt texte profunde pe care le folosește în spectacol. Rimbaud, Artaud, Whitman… În sine toți sunt minunați, dar s-au pierdut. Sunt însușiți. Sunt murdăriți. Iar Alexander Bălănescu  este un violinist excepţional. L-am putut vedea pe parcursul festivalului într-un alt spectacol. Și azi a fost excepțional, dar a fost nevoit să asiste la ceva. La ceva, ce nu pot să compar cu nimic altceva. Mai precis : aș putea, dar mai bine nu o fac. ”

I-am zis ceva asemănător. I-aș fi zis. Dar nu am scos o vorbă. L-am lovit în gleznă. Era mulțime. Nu pot să jur că s-a întâmplat accidental.  Sorry – spun fără a mă încrunta. No problem – răspunde, și pleacă zâmbind.

Din nou nu are dreptate.
There is a problem.
In fact a very big one.

EN__________________________________________________________________
The concert started. Egy Kiss Erzsi Zene. It feels good. It feels good that I’m not completely dismissive. That there are things that make me happy, things that I like. For the first time today. (...)

I see Pippo Delbono in the doorway. It makes me angry. I can’t even hear the music, I keep on glancing at him from the corner of my eyes. The way he silently comments on the performance. I’m getting angrier. He goes into the other room. He comes out. He can’t find his place. He stops. Near me. Now I’m really angry. I’m conflicted. Should I address him? I have the courage (the recklessness), but I don’t have the slightest idea what to say to him. The only thing that comes to my mind: congratulations on making the worst performance I’ve ever seen. I cannot say that, though. That would be disrespectful. I could ask him something. But actually I don’t really care about his answer.

I can see he doesn’t like the concert. But how much more it has in turn than...! He’s heading outside. I don’t have much time. I must speak to him now, or do something, if I really want to. Now’s the time!

„Dear Sir! Let me express how utterly disappointed I am. I have been wondering if you have seen the Mexicans’ performance. I did not like it. I respect the work, the professionalism, the deep and complex meaning layer that accompanied the performance though. Humbly, with conviction. This is worth my respect. Even though I disregard the form, the means, even though I could not (would not) go along. The huge amount of work could be seen. The concept. The curiosity with which you have turned to the audience during the claps. Because I usually clap after the performance, even if I didn’t like it. Out of respect. This time I did not clap. (...) because this time I could not notice anything on the stage of the things I have seen in the performance of the Mexicans. (...) The texts used by you in the performance are deep. Rimbaud, Artaud, Whitman... amazing in themselves, though lost here. They were monopolised. And compromised. And Alexander Bălănescu plays the piano beautifully. We have seen him in another performance during the play. His music was amazing today, but he only had to assist to something. Something that I cannot compare to anything else. I could, to be more exact, but I will not. (...)”

I might have said something like this. Would have. But I didn’t. I kicked his ankle. There was a huge crowd. I swear it was an accident. He looked back. Sorry – I said without any conviction, with a poker face. No problem – he had answered with a grin and left.

He’s wrong again.
There is a problem.
In fact a very big one.

demkata

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